Is today the day you start getting more out of what you want for yourself, your relationships and your life?
Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is typically the last stop before separation or divorce because most couples that have relationship problems typically wait until it’s almost too late before seeking out a couple’s therapist. Unfortunately, all couples’ therapists are not created equal and some don’t even have proper training in couples therapy and marriage counseling. Which results in the couple wasting more time because the therapist is either not effective or takes too long to get to the core relationship problems and the partners give up. Every couple I see comes in with “Communication problems” and or “We are living like roommates” and typically in the first session we can determine that these are just a symptoms of other problem. If you want to solve the relationship problems than you have to get to the root of what is causing the dysfunction and this comes with an unhealthy dose of relational resentment that results in the partners triggering each other and fighting and arguing which typically leaves one partner withdrawing and the other partner pursuing. The more one partner withdraws from the conflict the more the other partner pursues them and the more the partner withdraws the angrier the pursuer becomes and more suffocated the withdrawer becomes. That is one of the dysfunctional dances that I see many of my couples engage in for years and this is a relationship killer.
I utilize what’s called Relational Life Therapy to support couples in learning how to be relational with themselves so that can be relational with their partners. My Couples counseling and relationship work focuses on helping partners discover the real reason they are having relationship problems, and it typically is not “communication problems”. My couples work can be transformational for most partners, and we don’t waste time arguing in sessions about the weekly argument or fight. I help both partners uncover the reasons behind their percentage of relationship dysfunction, and we develop a path to resolve it through healing, developing relational skills, working on self-esteem and reigniting the passion that they may have lost. If one or both partners are truly “done” then we develop a plan to support each of them in transitioning either through separation or divorce. This process is the letting go of the relationship with each partner so they can both move forward in their own lives and find happiness again.
My job as a couple’s counselor is to assist the couple in determining what the best path forward is for both partners. I ask all my couples to give the process at least 3 months, which is 12 weekly sessions or an intensive (Relationship Bootcamp) 6 weeks of 90-minute sessions. My job is not to waste anyone’s time because life needs to be lived and we can’t do that being in therapy for years. So, I do it as efficiently as possible with four easy steps and if either partner is not willing to engage in our work as a couple will be done and then we can focus on the work with the partner that wants healing, closure and finding a path forward in life. This is done in 4 simple steps. Click here to learn more about my couples therapy and marriage counseling.
Family Therapy
Parent Coaching
Family therapy is the fastest and most efficient way to remediate family problems and dysfunctional patterns. Especially if you are a parent and struggling with a child you characterize as “out of control”. If you have a child that is angry, oppositional defiant, addicted to technology and video games, explosive, verbally and physically aggressive towards themselves, their parents and others, this is a child who has a story to tell and doesn’t have the resources to tell it, so they act it out. I have spent the last several years working with children with these challenges as well as children with ADHD and ADD. A high percentage of children I see have what is called Reactive Attachment Disorder which is a loss of connection to their primary caregiver due to their needs not being met at some point in their lives. A child typically has two feelings, happy and sad and when a child is feeling sad it typically surfaces as anger.
An angry child is one that feels unsafe and that is at the root of their anger Their anger is a message to the adults in their lives that they don’t feel safe and my job as a family therapist is to help the parents discover what they need to do to make their child feel safe so the unexpected behaviors can be reduced and eliminated. My family therapy consists of a lot of support, hand holding, parent coaching and helping the child identify what is the root cause of their anger, feelings and subsequent behaviors.
I have so many parents come to me and tell me that they are losing hope for their child due to the child’s behavior and they are stressed out and feel as though they are drowning and have tried everything and nothing works. “We took away all of their technology” and “It doesn’t matter what we take away, they say they don’t care” and the behavior continues. The reason the behavior is continuing is because you are not getting the message, they are trying to send to you and that is where family therapy comes in. My family work starts with the parents getting a better understanding of what the child is experiencing in the way that the parents interact with each other. Reactive, stressed out, anxious and depressed parents will certainly have a child that has behavior challenges especially if their relationship with each other is saturated with dysfunction. “Ignoring a misbehaving child sometimes only sends a message to them that you don’t care”.
An angry child that is looking for attention knows what they want and is not getting it the way, they need it. The next step in the family therapy process is bringing the children in and having them talk about what is bothering them and provide them with a safe space to talk about what is not right in their world. This is the most important step in the process and I try to make it fun for them. The next step is we start doing the work by helping the parents address any of their relationship struggles and then work with the child very slowly on helping them understand that things are going to be changing and they are being heard and seen. Every family session is healing in some ways and in most sessions a parent will say “I had no idea they felt that way” and the reason why is our culture and lives are so busy and we are so busy multitasking a million things our families get caught up in it and what is the most important thing in life? The ultimate family therapy goal is to help the family system change and assist each family member with reconnecting to each other, so all family members are heard and seen no matter how young they are. The surprising part of family therapy is that parents typically get closer with each other due to the relational skills I help them develop to reconnect with their children. Click here to learn more about family therapy and co-parent coaching.
My Approach to Therapy
“I believe that we get stuck in life and our past can keeps us from unlocking the happiness and peace we deserve in the present. Being stuck in the trauma of our past prevents us from living for today and having a healthy relationship with ourselves and the people we love. Sometimes all we need is some support in seeing things from a different perspective to help us move forward, closer to being more relational with ourselves so we can be more relational with the people we love and live the life we always dreamed of.” My therapeutic approach is focused on being efficient with your time because therapy should not be forever. I create a safe space for my clients using an an abundance of love, understanding, empathy and compassion in a setting of peace and tranquility and yes, we will have a laugh or two on our journey.”
I believe therapy is a resource for helping individuals overcome whatever life situation has them feeling stuck and leaves them engaging in behaviors that they feel are unhelpful and preventing them from living the life that they desire with the people they love. I support them by helping them discover healthier ways to process thoughts and feelings that can lead to healthier behaviors and a more fulfilling life. Assisting them in developing interpersonal relationship skills to help them engage with their loved ones to create long lasting relationships with healthier boundaries.
I am an Associate Mental Health Counselor and will be licensed in June of 2024 and certified life, health, and wellness coach. I believe that therapy needs to be tailored to the client’s needs. I have found in working with my clients that most of them do not appreciate a therapist that just sits there, nods, asks questions and takes notes. If that was the case then talking to my dogs would have saved me a lot of time with my own therapist years ago.
My approach is relational, dynamic, engaging, motivational and we try to have some fun in the process. Life is too serious as it is, and therapy doesn’t have to be emotionally draining. I accomplish this by integrating years of motivational coaching and clinical work into my couples therapy, marriage counseling, family therapy and coaching practice. The most important part of my therapeutic approach is utilizing what I have learned in my life, through relationships, marriage, parenting, several career changes and overcoming challenging life experiences that tried to keep me in the darkness. My life experiences and trauma are the reasons I do what I do, and I am grateful to have found my purpose in life.
I believe that individuals seek out therapy because they want to make a shift in life which can only be done if the individual and their therapist are invested. One thing I have discovered is when therapy is effective it is uncomfortable because we are opening parts of us that have been shut down for a long time. What clients don’t need is a therapist that is going to tell them what they want to hear because they can get that from their friends and that is when you see clients in therapy for many years. Therapy should have a start and end point and when the treatment goals are met therapy should be over.
At the end of the day, we are human beings and get stuck because our thoughts and behaviors are running the show, especially when we have trauma and or experiencing a mental health crisis. Therapy can help us process our thoughts and analyze resulting behaviors. My goal is to help you become relational with yourself so you can be relational with the important people in your life. Coaching can support you in developing a plan to act and move you forward to discover a path to achieve your best life yet! Whether that be finding out who you are or getting out of a career or life circumstance you feel imprisoned in.
I offer in-person, couples, families and individual therapy sessions in the Plymouth, MA and Cape Cod areas. I offer telehealth therapy sessions for people in the state of MA. I believe in energy and connection and feel that the most transformational therapeutic experiences happen when we are face to face. But there are times when telehealth is the most efficient and we can make that work as well.
Marriage Counseling
Have you been asking yourself…
What happened to the partner that I fell in love with?
Why does every conversation end in an argument?
Why don’t they see me or hear me any longer?
Do they still love me? Do I still love them?
Is this leaving you…
Frustrated and emotionally exhausted?
Wondering how bad things can get?
Wondering if the love you had for each other is gone?
Thinking about separation or divorce?
Does your partner appear to be…
Judgmental? Controlling? Disinterested?
Distant? Critical? Irresponsible? Selfish?
Immature? Demanding and too needy?
If you can relate to these questions, take Relationship Reflection Survey below!
Does your partner blame you for everything? Yes or No
Do you wonder if you will ever meet their expectations? Yes or No
Does your partner hear, see and respect you? Yes or No
Do you feel unappreciated and taken advantage of? Yes or No
Are you mentally exhausted by the arguing and reaching your breaking point?
Yes or No
Is your connection with them broken and you feel like roomates? Yes or No
Do you say to yourself “I want to be happy and something has to change?”" Yes or No
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then what are you waiting for?
If nothing changes where will you be in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?
Is that what you wanted for your life?
Here is how I do Couples Therapy
I use a Relational Approach
’What we won’t be doing is coming into weekly sessions and arguing about arguments!”
”That is not helpful therapy, because the root of the problem is not addressed and nothing changes!”
Phase #1: Data Gathering
I meet with you and your partner together discuss the therapy process and challenges.
The following sessions I will work with each of you on an individual basis. These sessions will help me getter a better understanding of your concerns, relationship challenges, what your dreams are and what it feels like to
be in a relationship with your partner.
”We develop a plan to make your relationship better!”
Phase #2: Joining Through The Truth!
In this phase, I do most of the work through helping each of you identify what is not working and
what needs to be changed in a compassionate albeit no-nonsense way. I help you understand what your dysfunctional dances are that are creating chaos in your relationship and life.
”We don’t have time to beat around the bush so I walk right over it to address the relationship dysfunction!”
Step #3: Healing
This is the hard part! We work as a team to make meaningful changes in your lives?
This is the phase when you have to start doing some work that is needed to make meaningful changes.
Like I said “Change doesn’t happen when couples come into therapy to argue about their arguments.”
Welcome to “Relationship Basic Training”
In this phase I will guide you we work to heal your inner child and free the adaptive child that you created
to survive your childhood that is currently in a relationship with your partner.
Your trauma will leave you either walled off due to abandonment suffered as a child or boundaryless due to being raised
by a caregiver that you become enmeshed with.
You will behave when triggered in a reactive mode to resist what is coming at you from your partner
or a modeling mode in which you will model the behavior of your caregiver when triggered.
This adaptive child is a black and white thinker, relentless, harsh
rigid, certain, grandiose and tight in the body.
”We find your wounded inner child and have a conversation with them and help them understand that you have their back”
Step #4: Discovering your Wise Adult and Embarking on your Journey To Finding Your True Self!
Breaking old habits is not easy and there is no easy button when we are trying to develop a relationship with another human being that is so different from ourselves. If it was easy, than I would not have a job and you would be engaging in a loving and fulfilling relationship. Partners who have wonderful relationships have fun together, then enjoy each other company, then miss each other when they are apart, they work as a team to take on the world and embrace the mindset “It is us against everything”, they have each other’s back through think and thin, then are kind and respect each other and can’t wait to share what they have going on in their life, they are vulnerable with each other and provide each other with the safety and comfort that is needed is such a challenging world! Their lives together are filled with love, tenderness, affection, intimacy, friendship, did I mention FUN! and also generally interested in their partner’s world.
In this last phase of therapy, you will further develop your skills that successful partner’s utilize to have happy and healthy relationships. You will both become experts in yourselves and each other and it will feel genuine. You will both discover how to wake up your wise adult that is compassionate, forgiving, soft, gentle, loving, flexible and open which in turn will open your hearts for more affection, tenderness and sexual desire as your love for each other grows.
”Life is too short not to live your best life now and why save the good stuff for later!”
Common Questions
My partner does not believe in therapy?
To be honest it is hard to get everyone to buy in. Either one partner is leaning and wants things to get better while the other one is leaning out and thinks therapy is a waste of time.
Answer: This is the time in your life when you have to stand up for yourself because the current relationship status is toxic and how much more time of your life do you want to spend going through the motions and just existing?
We don’t have the time to do couples therapy?
That could be one of the challenges in your relationship. Prioritizing everything accept what is really important. Your mental health and happiness.
Answer: First step is asking yourself what is important? Second, I offer telehealth to meet you half-way!
How long will therapy Take?
The length of therapy will vary according to your needs, and how much you are willing to do when you are not with me. I ask couples to commit to at least 3 months.
Some partners feel satisfied with their changes after just a few weeks, and some continue to feel that important changes are happening for an entire year.
Of course, you can change your mind any time along the way. At three months, we will want to re-evaluate to see if further therapy is needed.
To summarize: The more work you do the less therapy is needed!
Do you take insurance?
I currently am offering pre-license discounted rates and I will be accepting most insurances in May of 2024.
I am a therapist that offers couples counseling and therapy in Plymouth, MA and Cape Cod and surrounding areas. I service clients in person from Plymouth, MA, Kingston, MA, Wareham, MA, Sandwich, MA, Carver, MA, Bourne, MA, Buzzards Bay, MA, Duxbury, MA. I am a therapist that offers family counseling and therapy to families in the Plymouth, MA and Cape Cod Areas. I also offer couples counseling to all residents of MA via Telehealth.
What clients are saying!